Love is the Key

Husband and Wife are unloading groceries from the car. They approach the back door to the house. 

Wife: Baby, can I have the keys?

Husband leans over and kisses wife. 


Husband: There's your kees.

Washing Dishes at the Copacabana

It's Husband's turn to wash dishes for the first time in a month. Husband is at the sink in the kitchen while wife folds laundry in the living room. 

Husband: Boo

Wife: What is it?

Husband: Boo-hoo.

Wife: What?

Husband: The results are in. Rotten Tomatoes gives Washing Dishes only 20%. Very few critics like it and fans say definitely "don't go".

Wife: Oh really?

Husband: Yup. It's a flop. The blogs are saying it's a real stinker.

Silence. 

Moments later, Husband sings a new song to the tune of "Copacabana".

Husband: His name was husband, he's washing dishes. And no one enjoys washing dishes.

Logic and lyrics

Husband: (singing) Mr. Mailman, bring me a dream! Make her complexion like cookies and cream.

Wife: It's not the mailman who brings the dream, it's the sand man. He flies in your room at night and puts sand in your eyes so you dream.

Husband looks incredulous. 

Husband: (singing) Mr. Mailman, bring me a dream! Make her complexion like cookies and cream.

Wife: Her complexion is like peaches in cream. Like my cheeks, see? If it was like cookies and cream, it would be all covered in spots.


Husband sighs and then starts to whistle, exasperated. 

Jesus and Gerbils

Husband: My friend really likes to say the word Yerbils.

Wife: You mean gerbils? Like the little animals?

Husband: It's not with a "y"?

Wife: Nope. It's with a "g", gerbil.

Husband: G. Like in Jesus?

Isn't It Obvious?

Husband: Do you want to watch a movie?

Wife: Nah, we should really do laundry.

Husband begins to sing and dance.

Husband (singing): We have called you to join us today because you are a party pooper. Party pooper, party pooper!

Wife: Huh. Is that how the song goes?

Husband: Yes! Isn't it clarievident? Party pooper!

Winkle Winkle

Husband and Wife are watching a movie on the couch at home. One lone cookie sits on a plate in front of them.

Wife: I'm going to the kitchen for some water. Do you need anything?

Husband: No, thanks. But I can't guarantee that this cookie will be here when you get back. Hint hint winkle winkle.

Dog Brands

Wife: Did you hear that the neighbors got a new dog?

Husband: Yeah, it's the same brand of dog as Max.

Wife looks curiously at Husband.

Husband: Or make and model of dog. You know what I mean.