Sponge Dog

The dog is watching a squirel in the back yard from a window on the second floor.

Wife: Hey babe, look at Max. He's tracking something.

Husband: Wow. He's so absorbant.

Wife Is Not A Lawyer

Husband and Wife are watching a movie that takes place in a courtroom.

Wife: Do you think they'll submit the after david as evidence?

...

Husband: The affidavit?

Wife: Um. Yes.

Complements

Wife: You are so very cute today.

Husband: I do? Thank you.

Toy Story

Wife: He's several years younger than her, but I think they make a great match.

Husband: Yup. I'm glad she found herself a toy boy.

Never Make A Pig Happy

Wife: That guy was really frustrating. He's such an extremest in his views. But I knew that engaging him in debate would only make it worse. So I let him go on his tirade and then I acknowledged what he was saying without agreeing with him. I really wanted to point out all the ways he was wrong in his logic, though.

Husband: Yeah, but you were right not to fight him. If you wrestle with a pig, he likes it.

Wife: Hmmm?

Husband: You know, if you get down in the mud and fight a pig, he's happy because he's in the mud.

Wife: That's so true.

Just hanging...

Wife: How did it go with the cable company?

Husband: Ugh. I was on the phone for a half an hour with those people. Finally, I just hung on them.

Popcorn Fruit

Husband: Hey babe, I'm on my way home. What are you doing?

Wife: Oh, I just got home and I'm making popcorn. It's the inaugural use of our new popcorn pot.

Husband: Nice! I can't wait to taste the fruit of it's loins!

BBQ

Wife and Husband are driving home from a party.

Husband: Love, did we eat dinner tonight?

Wife: Yeah. We had the BBQ, remember?

Husband: That's right. The chicken was awesome.

Wife: I know. I had a leg. That sauce was amazing.

Husband: It really was. I ate a whole chest of chicken.

Being the Boss

Wife: Are your employees glad to have you back from your trip?

Husband: Well, you know what they say, when the cat is out, the mice will go crazy!