Pancake Garden

Wife: So how's the business? Have you been able to expand?

Friend: Oh yes, we're growing like hotcakes.

The Elegance of Hair Nets

Husband: Hey love, how was your time with your girls?

Wife: It was great. It was so nice to escape work and go out to eat in the middle of the day. We really felt elegant, like ladies lunching.

Husband: That's great baby. I'm so happy you and your friends got to be lunch ladies today.

Super Hero

Wife: Hey baby, how was the movie?

Husband: It was great! We stayed until the end and they had a trailer for The Avengers.

Wife: What's The Avengers?

Husband: It's where they get all the super heros together - Spiderman, Ironman with Robbie Downing Jr., the Samuel that wears the patch, the woman in x-men who dies - the one with the head who's a bird, and Tore. I loved Tore when I was little.**

Wife: That's a lot of super heros in one movie.

Husband: The one that looks really good is the Planet of the Monkeys.

**The Avengers features Spiderman, Ironman (Robert Downing Jr.), Samuel L. Jackson wearing an eye patch, Dr. Jean Gray from x-men who is telepathic, dies and returns as a phoenix, and of course, Thor.

Dog's Drool

Husband: Maybe our next dog should be a bulldog.

Wife: Don't they drool a lot?

Husband: No. You're thinking of Scootch with what's his face. Hanks.

...

Wife: Tuner and Hootch?

Husband: Yeah. That's what you're thinking of.

Lyric Interpretation

Wife is singing in the shower

Wife: I'm blue! If I was green I would die, if I was green I would die, if I was green I would die.

Husband pops head in bathroom.

Husband: Is that what they are saying? Huh. I never knew that. It just sounds like gibberish to me.

Wife: Of course that's what they're saying! I know it's hard to understand lyrics in another language, but trust me - that's what they're saying.

Husband begins to sing.

Husband and Wife: I'm blue! If I was green I would die, if I was green I would die, if I was green I would die.

*actual lyric is "I'm blue da ba dee da ba die" by Eiffel 65

Movie Night

on the phone

Husband: Hi baby, I'm just leaving the office. What are you up to?

Wife: I'm making dinner. I had a hard day. I just want to relax tonight, maybe watch a movie.

Husband: Sounds great. Why don't you go pick up the movie?

Wife: Babe, I'm already home cooking dinner, why don't you pick up the movie?

Husband: You had a hard day, I thought you'd like to pick up the movie.

Wife (in frustration): Look, I've got food boiling on the stove, I've already changed clothes, and you're on you're way home so why don't you pick up... wait. You mean out? Pick out the movie?

silence on the phone

Wife (now lovingly): That's so thoughtful. I'd love to pick out the movie tonight.