Mystic Soccer

Son and Husband are playing a soccer video game. Husband is winning but suddenly Son starts to score goals. 

Husband: Well done!

Son: It's karma. 

Husband: What is carnage?

Son: Karma is like revenge, but with ghosts. 

Husband: That's some good carnage. 

Wife: Not carnage, karma. 

Husband: (pauses) I'm still winning. 

Holy Mama

Husband and Wife attend a church service where the pastor discusses the song Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen.  All week long they both have the song in their heads. 

It's late at night and Husband and Wife are in adjacent rooms doing separate tasks but singing the song together while they work. 

Husband and Wife: I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord. But you don't really care for music, do ya?

Wife: Hallelujah

Husband (harmonizing): Y la tuya.*

*"Y la tuya" is short for "tu abuelita" which is a slang equivalent equivalent to "Your Mama"

Athletic Reflexes

Husband and Wife are on the couch. Wife is watching a basketball game on TV while Husband plays a soccer game on his iPad. 

Wife: Swish! Nice. 3 points.

The noise of the basketball game fills the room. 

Husband: Why do they say "reflex" in basketball?

Husband keeps his eyes on his iPad game. 

Wife: When?

Husband: Every few minutes. The crowd starts shouting "reflex" over and over. Are they impressed with the athletic reflexes of their team?

Wife: I've never noticed anyone saying "reflex" in basketball.

Pause. Husband grunts over a missed goal in his soccer game. 

Husband: There! They're saying it.

Wife: They're saying "defense" because the other team has the ball.

Husband: Reflex is better. They should make alterations.

Husband never looks up from his game and makes celebratory noises when he scores a goal.

Potted Evidence

Husband is talking to himself as he works on the computer, finishing a large project. Wife is reading in the next room. 

Husband: Aha! All done. But will it work? Let's see...

Silence. A few clicks on the key board. 

Husband: Looks good. But the proof is in the potting. 

Silence. More clicks.  

Husband: But what... is the pot... made of? These are the questions. 

Jolly Shellfish

Husband and Wife are enjoying some relaxation time after a long workday. Husband sits on the couch and sighs with contentment. 

Husband: I am happy as a clown. Is it clown or clam?

Wife: Clam.

Husband: But clams have no expression. And if they did, they would never be happy. Think of their faces. Clowns' faces are always happy - its their occupational hazard.

Husband makes a gesture of painting on a clown make-up smile. 

Popular Eats

Husband and Wife are at a party with a large crowd of unfamiliar people. 

Wife: I think those two are the popular couple in this group.

Husband: Baby, we are the eat couple.

Wife: The eat couple?

Husband: Yup. The eat couple.

Husband blows on fingers and rubs them on shoulder.

Wife: Ah, yes. The it couple. Yup. That's us.