Charming Christmas Accent

Husband: Hey baby, why don't we watch a holiday themed movie tonight?

Wife: Really? That'd be great! What do you want to watch?

Husband: The one about a man overcoming terrible obstacles to realize his love for his wife and children - it's set on Christmas Eve.

Wife: It's a Wonderful Life?

Husband: No. Die Hard.

Dinner Time

Husband: Are you going to eat that?

Wife: Nah.

Husband: (with glee) He he he! Fewer indians more tortillas!

Marvin Gaye in the Kitchen

Wife is singing and chopping onions in the kitchen.

Wife: I've been really trying baby, trying to hold back this feeling for so long. And if you feel, like I feel sugar, come on, let's get it on....

Husband enters to get soda from fridge and sings along with the song.

Husband: Come on, come on, come on, come on darling, something about George Bush... let's get it on...

Enthusiasm

Wife: Hey babe, what do you think of this?

Husband: One word - out of control!

Wardrobe Selection

Wife lays out two blouses on the bed, one naturally wrinkled linen, one freshly ironed button-down. Wife gets into the shower and calls out to Husband.

Wife: Hey love, which shirt I should wear to brunch?

pause...

Husband: The crispy one.

Nursery Rhymes

Wife: Crap! I broke this bowl.

Husband: Here, I’ll fix it.

Wife: Eh. It’s in a million pieces. Like humpty dumpty.

Husband: Horsey Horsey?

Wife: No humpty dumpty.

Husband: The horse?

Wife: No, humpty dumpty the egg.

Husband: I’m pretty sure he was a horse. You know… humpty dumpty horsey horsey?

Wife: … Sure.

Folding Laundry

Husband: Could you hand me my panties?

Wife: You know, men’s underwear isn’t normally called panties.

Husband: What are they called?

Wife: I don’t know. Just underwear I guess.

Husband: That’s too generic. They should be called Man Panties.

Wife: Man Panties it is. Here are your Man Panties.

Words of Friendship

Wife: Hey cabron!

Husband: What?!?

Wife: What? I said, hey cabron!

Husband: You shouldn’t say that word.

Wife: Why? That’s what you call your friends.

Husband: True. But it means fucker.

Sleeping Arrangements

Husband: We should really go to bed with the chickens tonight.

Wife: Huh?

Husband: We have so much to do tomorrow. Let’s go to bed with the chickens tonight.

Wife: If you say so.

Driving Past a Bar

Wife: I’ve never been there. Have you?

Husband: I went there three times with my boss and I always got hit.

Wife: Do you mean hit on?

Husband: Yup. Every time we went there.

Details

Husband: I use propositions wrong.

Wife: And prepositions

Happy Birthday Husband

Husband: I'm an old fart.

Wife: No baby, you're a delicious... fart.

Sweep Your Feet Off

Husband: I want to sweep your feet off.

Wife: Sweep me off my feet?

Husband: I hope I sweep your feet off every day.

Wife: Thank you baby.